I have HPV. I gave it to my boyfriend as we've been having unprotected sex because I didn't think I had anything that I could pass to him. I only just found out at my last LEEP appointment the other day exactly what I had. Until then all they told me was I had pre-cancerous cells on my cervix that needed to be removed. Now all of a sudden I have HPV and it affects my boyfriend. Never was I told by any of the doctors to protect myself and my boyfriend from transmitting whatever was making my paps come out abnormal.

I am pissed at the docs because now my boyfriend is highly freaked out about this situation and the prospect of being infected with an STD that can not be cured and he can spread to others. There is a vaccination for it that he could have admninistered to future girlfriends, but that makes me think that he isn't thinking of a future with me.

I stuck by him with all his financial problems because I am madly in love with him and this is really hard for me to do all on my own. This procedure really hurt me a lot and I really wanted his comfort but instead now I have to worry about whether or not he's gonna be there at all. I think he's being kind of selfish because he knew what was going on with me before and we just never had this answer, he's the one that pushed me to ask these questions, if he wasn't ready for the answers he shouldn't have urged to me keep digging. He needs to stand up and be a man and stand by me instead of acting like it's my fault and running away from the situation "to think about things" because he knows why things turned out the way they did and he just better get back to me before I go crazy.

I am dealing with this by taking way too much of the Darvocet I was prescribed for the pain and smoking a lot of weed. I overdosed on Darvocet a while back and I don't think my body has forgotten. My stomach is very sensitive to this stuff and yesterday all in all I think I ate about 13 pills and ended up being sick in the late hours of the night and into the early morning. Today my mom told me I look like I'm walking around just permanently stoned and stupid.

I'm not sure what I will do if Bobby dumps me. I will know that he was not as "real" a man as I thought him to be, because a real man would stick by me when things get tough and he's showed me that all he knows to do is run. I will try my damndest not to fall apart this time, I'm tired of falling apart and coming eloquently undone, I want to stay strong with my head held high.

<< >>