So I got an e-mail from the school saying I was dismissed from Whitewater because of my grades unless I write an appeal or reapply later. The following is what I wrote:

My reasons for my problems with school are pretty simple: basically I suffer from mental illness. I have been depressed for many years, and struggling to keep it under control with medications and therapy. I have been in therapy many times, and even attended a few sessions this semester to try and clear my head and deal with feelings of being overwhelmed with school and work.

I think the way my depression most affects my academic performance is through a few ways: my sleeping patterns, feeling hopeless and helpless, and a lack of interest in doing anything, including schoolwork. When I am in a really depressed state, my sleeping patterns get really messed up. All I want to do is stay in bed all day long and I will literally sleep 18 hours if no one wakes me. I then feel horrible about missing all my classes, and beat myself up about it, but that just adds to feeling even more depressed. Are you starting to see the cycle? I also start to feel that everything is very hopeless, that no matter what I try to do, I will not make it in the world, and I get overwhelmed very easily, especially from missing classes from oversleeping. Then I start to feel helpless and think, “Well screw it, I just won’t do it.”

Now I bet you’re asking yourself, why didn’t I just let my teachers know, so I could get extended deadlines? I was ashamed to admit that I had a problem, and didn’t want to have special attention or help. I wanted the same attention any other student would get, even if that meant doing badly. I at least wanted a chance to do it on my own.

Obviously I can’t do it on my own, not without help. This is why I’m prepared to take the measures to make things better next semester. Towards the end, I was doing better anyway. I have a boyfriend now, I am on a dose of medication that seems to be keeping me pretty stable, and things are good. I was motivated around exam time. It felt good to be motivated. I really think I can keep this up. I am going to see a counselor over the summer and continue to work on things, and I will set up appointments when I get back to school (if you’ll let me continue on). I also am prepared to reach out to those around me; to let my RA know if I am struggling, to let my teachers know right off the bat that I might need extended deadlines because of my situation, things of that nature.

I don’t want to end up working in a factory all my life because I am depressed. Please give me this chance to make things right. I would be forever grateful. I know I can make something of myself if only I had the chance.

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