I lose myself in my hometown. I lose all my ambitions, all my goals, everything I've ever wanted seems so far away. All that matters is getting fucked up and passing the time.

Since I've been on Spring Break on Friday I've done mushrooms, smoked a lot more pot than usual (I had all but but quit), and taken percocet almost every day since I've been able to find it (like Monday, so three days). I feel like I'm getting out of control again, and I spent the rest of my tax return that didn't get spent on this stupid drug counseling I was ordered to take because of my DUI. They ordered me to take AODA classes when I get back on summer break, deeming me addicted to alcohol and prescription and other drugs. I didn't even mention the crack and lied and said I hadn't done anything after I had gotten pulled over, claiming it to be a huge turning point in my life.

I just want to get out of here, get back to school. I'm afraid of what it will be like to be back here for so long in the summer. I went looking for job applications today. I'm looking for something ideally in a factory setting, something where I can get paid well and have long hours. Who cares if it's hell, I need to pay for school. I only found one place that was taking seasonal applications and then I went ahead and got a Culver's and Menard's application. I'm hoping work will keep me busy and stop me from fucking up while I'm home for that long.

I always seem to revert to my old habits when I'm back here. Feels like coming home.

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