I walk to class with my head down, lost in my own thoughts. This is a bad thing to do, because other people don't watch out for me. Some guy ran into me on his bike today and knocked me backwards onto my ass in the snow. I got up, telling him it was alright, although clearly it wasn't, and I rushed to the foodcourt bathrooms to cry for no apparent reason. As the tears fell down my face and raked my fingers through my dirty hair, one thought ran through my head over and over: my meds need to start kicking in NOW . (said meds being ones for depression)

My boyfriend and I are on a "break". I have been with him for slightly over a month and it's just too hard to keep it going long distance. I just don't think it's right for me and he wants to be too serious. But I don't have the heart to tell him that I can't see myself ending up with him and crush his little heart. I am his world. I want something outside of him, and so I've been cheating on him, but I could never tell him that.

This weekend I slept with my best girlfriend. It was her birthday and we got drunk playing asshole with her boyfriend until the conversation slowly drifted towards sexual encounters and suddenly we're kissing and going down on each other with her boyfriend watching. He got mad in the end because he didn't get in on it and I ended up going home. I thought the whole thing was lovely and was ecstatic which leads me to wonder if I don't like girls better. I was also afraid maybe she would regret it in the morning but when we met for lunch the next day I learned they had planned out the whole thing... down to leading the conversation in that direction and everything. IE she wanted to sleep with me and he agreed it was okay but I guess wasn't comfortable in the end.

This just confuses things with my boyfriend even further and makes me want to really end things because I can't leave him hanging but I have a selfish motive for keeping him around: we bought Anti-Flag tickets together and if I break up with him completely he'll take mine back. And I really want to go. So there it is, I'm a selfish bitch. *shrug*

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