Somehow I seem to get it into my head that I will do fine even if I skip classes. I must start to see the correlation between my spotty attendence and the fact that I'm failing my beginners algebra class that doesn't even count towards my credits. If I keep up with this, I'm not going to do well in any classes. It's just that when the morning rolls around (along with class time) I just don't want to pull myself up out of bed, can't find the heart to put myself together so that I look presentable, and the warmth and comfort of my bed just seems so much more inviting than bearing the cold and walking to class.

I'm drinking too much. It's Halloween weekend and everyone is gone to the bigger cities around me to party it up, leaving me here because I of course had to work. Every other weekend I have partied and drank (and blacked out) at least 2 of the 3 days (Thirsty Thurs is big here). I need to learn to control myself. It's like now that I'm off of all the hard drugs, even stuff like pot and alcohol I find myself going overboard on. I need a lot of them, or to do them frequently, or both. I even asked my dealer last night in a sleeping-pill induced haze if I could get some coke for my friends back home. I'm pretty sure he knew it was for me tho, which poses a problem as he knows all my friends. I don't want anyone here to know about my substance abuse stuff.

Basically, I thought I was going to be okay, I was doing really well. But I'm sinking fast and I don't have a life jacket.