It's been a long time since I've updated but I'm never really home and I also feel like whenever I have time to make an entry I don't want it to be just rehashing what's been going on since my last one, I want it to be a worthwhile and meaningful one. But then if I were to do that, I would be leaving out all the stuff that has happened since I last updated. So I finally decided to suck it up and do a catch-up entry, much as I despise them.

Things are great with Omar and I. We are getting very close and spending a lot of time together. I feel very comfortable with him as he does with me, and I thoroughly enjoy our time together. We don't even fight a lot, and when we do we are both quick to realize who is in the wrong and apologize. He's a really great guy and I'm so lucky to have found him.

There have been a few times since I've been with Omar that I snuck around and smoked rock behind his back, even though we both agreed that I would stop rock and he would not do powder again (we both have had problems with that in the past and I am still dealing with the rock issue but it's getting better) I felt guilty every time I did it and eventually I decided it wasn't worth it to lie and feel horrible about myself, plus the sketchiness of the situation was just intolerable to me after being so open and free with Omar. So I have stopped for good this time; I know I have because I can't fuck this up. I have such a good thing going that I can't afford to mess it up for drugs.

My eating has been really weird lately though. I have stopped b/ping completely, maybe due to Topamax and probably mostly due to the fact that I'm always on the go and with Omar (he would notice something like that right away). But if I'm not b/ping I tend to not eat until I'm extremely starving, which means I eat like two times a day tops, and not a lot when I do eat. Then I was having this problem where food would make me nauseous and I would have to (involuntarily) puke after eating. I have dropped a significant amount of weight since school ended. I went from like 124 to 116 pretty quickly. I don't even know if I like it. My back hurts a lot because my spine sticks out and ribs just aren't hot to me anymore. I will always heart hipbones though. I don't know. Yesterday I was able to eat a lot, but today I am paying for it because its coming out the other end if you know what I mean. My body's just fucked and I'm not happy about it.

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