I've met a guy named Omar, he's so great. I work with him at Ponderosa. He's a bit older than me, 26, but he's so genuine and real, and ready for a relationship. He doesn't play stupid games because he's been around and the first time I talked to him he was telling me all this stuff about his ex and how you need trust in a relationship and whatnot. We hung out on Thursday and he kissed me (he's an excellent kisser) and the next day he actually called me and apologized for kissing me, saying he'd wanted to, but he regretted moving too fast because I'm a cool girl and he didn't want to ruin things. How cute is that? I'm used to guys using and abusing me, this was like the royal treatment! We got drunk the next night and hooked up, but I asked him beforehand if he would still respect me and he said he would. Then we cuddled all night long and when I went to leave in the morning he didn't want to let me go. I said we would get together before we both had to work that day and he let me go then. I was afraid he wouldn't answer my calls but he did, and we went to the park, holding hands and walking. I swear to god it's like a fairy tale. We like each other a lot, and though we don't have an official label, I think it will blossom into a relationship. I freaking hope so, I need to snatch him up for sure.

I've been pretty clean lately. It's a good thing, too, because everyone's been getting busted. My friend that would get me high all the time lately just went to jail the other day, I found that out when I called him today. That was a shocker. I knew it would happen sooner or later, he was doing it too often and not being careful enough; it's just always a wakeup call because you think how you could have been with them. The dealer that's in love with me is having trouble getting shit lately. I need to break things off with him completely now that I'm with Omar. Every time I go over there I feel like I'm cheating b/c he kisses on me and I pull away or flinch and I can't hide that I don't like it. I have to choose between getting high and being in a relationship and I think I'm choosing a relationship. Omar is pretty straight-edge, he just drinks and smokes pot, which is fine by me. I think I'm going to eliminate everything but that and I could be fine.

It would be a nice change, right?

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