I have gotten to the point where my whole life just feels like its on repeat. I do the same boring things day after day, all of it for nothing, really. Get up, go to school, sleep in study halls, do minimal work so that I can graduate (and with any luck still be accepted to college) get home from school and go to work or if I have the day off then I am faced with dreaded free time. It's dreaded because now my dealer isn't doing anything anymore, but still calls me b/c he's in love with me and wants to put a system in my car. We've got it started (I've got the subs in- two 10's, and he gave me his 400 dollar stereo to install soon) but he expects affection from me still. I feel weird giving it to him without the drugs b/c it does make me feel whorish... but then again I guess taking something that big from him in exchange for my affections is kinda whorish... but I want a system real bad. [I ain't saying she's a gold digger...]

Nonetheless, I've been pulling away from this guy since it's been so awkward lately. I know it hurts him and it pains me to see him in pain, but it's something I have to do for my own well-being and mental health (like I have any left!) So I've been trying to hang out with other friends and I'm realizing, I don't like a lot of them very much. I should really get some new friends. All of mine are either immature and kinda boring or moving on with their lives and not smoking pot anymore so we don't know what to do when we hang out (and then I feel like a loser/still a little kid b/c I'm still doing the same old thing and they are moving onto bigger/better things)

I guess this will change soon because the school year is drawing to a close and I will need to get another job to take up my time, and I won't have time for anything, much less socializing or drugs. Yay, I guess.

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