I've been thinking seriously about it, plotting it out. I think I would take a multitude of pills, probably a bunch of methadone and whatever else we have in the medicine cabinet and then slit my wrists (vertically, not horizontally, I know what I'm doing) Being fucked up off the pills would ensure that I could cut deep enough to cause damage.

I'm just fed up with life at the moment and I don't know why I continue on with it. I'm just a big failure and I'm never going to amount to anything so why keep trying? I'm just going to end up disappointing everyone. I'd rather end it and disappoint my family/friends that way than end up a big fat nothing that no one wants to mention.

I'm dangerously close to not graduating. I'm going to talk to my guidance counselor today about maybe getting into the HSED program or something, because right now this isn't working out, I can't fail and not graduate or take summer school, I just can't. It's not even just my English classes anymore, I'm behind in other crap too. But that's going to be a big bomb to drop on my parents, because that means I probably still won't be graduating with my class and that means I won't be going off to college in the fall. I want to chill and save money and think about things... then see what I want to do. And if none of this is possible and he wants me to finish things... then fuck it, I'm done.

If I don't update for a long time, you know what happened.