Things are so fucked. I feel so lost and hopeless in life. I don't know what to do anymore about anything: my life, my school stuff, my future, what I'm doing today... everything is so overwhelming and I just can't take it anymore.

The past week or so has been a big blur of drugs ever since my 18th birthday. For one of my parties I took two rolls, drank a little, and then dropped acid. I seriously thought I was losing my mind that day. I also ended up buying two more tabs that night since they were hella cheap and I was going to try to sell them, but I ended up eating them myself to try and recreate the experience, and one of those times was in school. Nothing much really happened, I think mostly because I didn't have all the other drugs in my system to boost the effects or maybe because I did it too soon afterwards or something.

I also smoked crack again for the first time in a while. And I liked it this time, which was pretty scary. Lately it's gotten to the point where I don't even like the high, but this time I was in such emotional turmoil that I needed the release or something, I don't know.

I'm starting to think that I don't want to go to college after all. I have a horrible case of senioritis right now. I have a 10 page paper due in like a week that I haven't started and have no motivation to start, plus a 20 page paper due soon that I don't even have all my sources for yet. If I can't even get motivated to write those, how am I going to make it in college? I know I need to write those papers, because if I don't, I won't graduate with my class and we already paid for all the graduation crap, but it just seems like so much work, you know? I have no effort left in me to put forth anymore.

Where can I find it? Everyone keeps telling me to suck it up and just do it, but its a hell of a lot easier said than done.

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