I don't know what to say. There's so much that wants to come out, to bubble up and pour forth from my fingertips like a fountain, but something is holding it back.

My mom and step dad might be getting a divorce, mostly because of his horrible OCD and his lack of compassion as a person. This doesn't make me feel bad at all- except for my mom. I don't like to see her in pain and this definitely makes her sad. But if we do move out and they start the divorce proceedings, it's going to mean some changes. I'm going to have to start contributing to the household expenses, which will be hella hard considering I can't hardly support my own expenses as it is (car shit plus whatever else I need to pay for). I need to find a new job as it is because my hours have been cut down from like 20something to like 15 to 5 and now its been none for two weeks. My paycheck this last week (for two weeks) was seventy dollars. Almost half went to car insurance and then I got some 2cE so I was fucked when it came to money.

2cE was real fun. Its goverment experimental acid, but somehow I wasn't expecting to see shit. Everyone I ever saw on it just laughed a whole lot, so I thought it was like a body buzz/mind fuck thing. But lo and behold, I got finger trails and purple swirls, the whlole shebang. Great fun, kids. Made watching Harry Potter a whole lot more interesting, let me tell you. Still couldn't catch the plot of the movie, but the images were fantastic. I would definitely do it again, but I would want to be with people who were on it with me. I got super paranoid that people were watching/judging me and laughing at me so that was not fun. If other people were on it with me it would have been better because then I wouldn't have that problem.

Still binging and purging every so often. Not as much, thank god. My weight is still pretty stable. A little higher than I'd like it to be, but it's bearable. I've been taking Topamax again, and I think it's been helping with the cravings. I can't take it for too much longer, though, because I only have one more refill and I don't see my psych anymore since they stopped seeing me after all the drug shit hit the roof. I don't wanna see them anyway, I just want to stay on the Topamax and not talk about shit but it doesn't really work that way, does it?

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