I've been eating too much and purging too much as well. I've also been less thorough about it than I was over the break, so I've gained back most of the weight I've lost, save for like two pounds. This is disappointing, but I'm working on trying to accept that maybe my body doesn't want to be a flat 120, maybe it wants to be closer to 125. Is 125 so bad? Its a good number for the rest of the population, why isn't it good enough for me?

So I'm off the crack (for good this time). I really don't even want it anymore. I saw after using it last time that the pull and the magic behind it is gone. I see it for what it is now: ugly, elusive, and harmful. Nothing good can come of it and I see this now. I'm trying to focus my energy towards school and friends, and I'm keeping contact with G. We call each other everyday, and I was going to go see him earlier this week but it got too late. I figure sometime next week I'll make it out there. I want to roll with him. I think he could show me a good time while I was rolling; it would be real fun. Speaking of rolling, I got in touch with an old contact and now I'm kinda pushing more drugs. Or at least trying too. Most of my friends that aren't already in contact with this guy (ie: school friends) are not too sure about drugs and so they don't know what they want but I'm trying to make some money. I was gonna sell some acid a few days ago but I guess the whole vial sold in like an hour. Next paycheck I want to get two rolls and maybe a chocolate w/ shrooms in it or some acid.

Still haven't talked to Greg. I hope he doesn't think we're still going out. If he hasn't tried to contact me for almost two weeks there's no way he can call me his gf. I'm not going to sit around like a lost puppydog waiting for his call.

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