So I ended up going to Milwaukee to meet up with the black guy... we'll call him G. He's really nice and I like him a lot. He is a crack dealer, but he's not like the other dealers I've dealt with where they're all like "here, have some crack, take a hit, have a lil blast" it was more like sit down, how are you, would you like a drink? Very laid back and chill, nice environment. We had some Patron, which is very high-class tequila, but it didn't even look like tequila, it was clear like vodka and mixed freaking awesome with Monster. I drank it and it made the skies open up and the birds sing... or it should have. Very smooth and agreeable with the stomach. Got you drunk pretty fast too. He had to leave to make a deal for a while, and I was lonely. By the time he had gotten friendly with me, cuddling with me on the couch, telling me how pretty I was, telling anyone who called how he had a gorgeous woman on his couch, blah blah blah. He is quite the sweet talker. I was resistant at first but I was moved that he trusted me enough to leave me alone in his house. After all, he didn't really know me that well and this was a big city.

So I'm chillin in his apartment while he's out feeling pretty buzzed going through his music on his computer and I get to thinking about our conversation we were having earlier. He is so confident. Like he knows exactly what he wants to say and he words it correctly everytime. And most of what he says I agree with which kinda sucks because then I end up just interjecting with uh huh, yeah, I know, right, for sure and occassionally I will say something along the lines of what he is talking about and he will think for a minute and agree and go on. But we really get along great. So I was starting to like him more in his absence. He called a couple times to let me know what was going on and when he'd be back and by that time I was getting lonely and bored. By the time he got back I wanted him.

We had a lot of fun and a lot of sex. And let me tell you... I have yet to find a black guy with a big dick and I'm beginning to think that is just a myth. Granted I've only slept with two black guys but still. Afterwards he made me dinner, fried porkchops and mac and cheese (I only ate the mac and cheese) and then we fucked again and watched movies. I finally decided that I would ask for a hit and he gave me a big rock. But that's the thing- he didn't give me any until I asked for it. He wasn't going to push it on me. I like that about him. Made me feel in control of the situation. He sent some home with me and that made me crave me and then I didn't sleep and in the end it wasn't worth it but then it never is.

So I'm back on the wagon. No more rock. It's just not worth it. The high is great but the actual high, like the lasting high sucks, the craving sucks, the whole scene sucks and I don't want to deal with it anymore so I don't have to. I'll just tell him that I don't want to do it and it shouldn't be a problem because he didn't offer me any anyway and I'll tell him that he can't give me any under any circumstances. Then I just have to keep control and not buy from my dealers in town. Should be easy enough knowing I could get it for free if I wanted.

Off topic, but I wanted to make a note of it. I'm not sure how long it's been, but it's only been a few days since I've been trying to lose weight and I'm down to where I want to be again. I lost all 6 pounds I wanted to lose. I hope I can eat normally and maintain.

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