So I spent New Year's over at my aunt's house hanging out with Arie, my mom, aunt and her bf upstairs playing whatever game was the game of the moment. I drank some, smoked pot, and I also broke down and got a bag of rock. It was only like a 40 bag, and I would take one or two hits and then wait at least 15-20 mins. before the next one. So between me and Arie we made it last like 3 hours which is freakin great for what a small amount I had gotten. And I made a decision out of last night- yes it was great, I really liked it; but only part of it. I love the ringer you get after an awesome first or second hit, but then the rest of the hits after or the high after; the shaky, stupid, geeked-out, can't handle doing anything feeling; that's what I really don't like. Could definitely do without that. And I don't like how when you're out, then you're just left craving more, looking in your wallet, checking your cash flow thinking, do I really need gas today? Then you realize what a crazy question that is and you start to see what a bad drug this is.

Nonetheless, I am going to Milwaukee to visit a black crack dealer who "has a little something for me". I even made it clear I have no money so it's gonna be all good. I figure as long as I don't pay for it anymore I should be fine. And I can't do it more than once every 2 weeks (this being the exception since yesterday was a holiday). Greg and I are pretty much over since he hasn't called me in a week and his phone is off so I can't contact him. I'm not going to wait around like a hurt puppy forever waiting for him to call, so I'm thinking a black bf might be just what I need. ...or not. I need to not think like that. I'd get my ass caught so fast, right after I'm starting to earn my mom's trust back again. I dunno, still need to think on this whole topic. I'm sure I'll have more to say on it after I see him today.

So, my New Year's Resolution. Usually I have a whole detailed list. But this year I'm being simple because I figure it all comes down to this: Don't become miserable. And if you find yourself miserable, do something to change this. I figure that covers just about everything I could set for resolutions, because it all comes back to not being miserable in my life, to being a happier, better person. Hopefully I can achieve that in the New Year.

Happy 2006 everyone!

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