This morning I woke up thinking it was to be a good day. I woke up two and a half pounds lighter, mostly due to dehydration from purging. I was in an okay mood, though I was dizzy again. I ate a bowl of cereal, though there was a housefull of yummy junkfood thanks to my parents going shopping. Both my parents were in a good mood, which also lifted my spirits. I took a shower to get ready for the day, and looked in the mirror thinking I looked thinner, and that I was almost thin. I was happy for a minute, until I got back out of the shower. That's when I realized how fat I really was. How quickly my perception changed. In the blink of an eye I went from acceptable and even a little thin to fat and ugly, hardly something I could stand to look at.

Nonetheless, I had to get to town to cash my check. I hadn't worked at all this week, so I didn't expect my check to be much. But it turned out to be like 150 dollars. I immediately wanted to get a bag of weed and some rock. My friend then called and let me know she could get a blue double stacked batman roll for 15. I told her I wanted one since the ones I wanted for 10 weren't necessarily from the most reliable source. Then I took forever at the bank and my mom called me asking where I was. I was supposed to be grounded but it was okay if I went over to my aunt's house where she was. I went over there after getting some more weed, deciding that I didn't have time to get any rock and it wasn't worth it. I got really stoned and a little tipsy while I was over there and then my cheap powder contact called. I wasn't sure how I was going to get out of the house to go get it with him since I was supposed to be grounded or with my mom at my aunt's, so I said to come by and get my money and then drop it off saying he was dropping off a cd I wanted to borrow. He did that and then I got like a half a teener (sp?) for 25, but it wouldn't cook up and then I did a line and it stung my nose. Then I was like wtf and I tasted it and it was real nasty. Turns out it was either mostly or all baking soda. I was real pissed. I got ripped off for 25 bucks. What makes me the most pissed off is that I've hooked this guy up for rock like fifty million times before and I've never been scandelous like that before. What a dick. But I guess it's just as well because I really shouldn't have done it anyway. Part of me still wants to get some on Sunday when I get ungrounded because I still have money and my mom isn't taking that much from me this time.

I should be more pissed off about this whole thing than I am. I dunno, I'm still a little bit stoned. Guess it's a good thing or I'd be walking (or driving and then I'd get grounded again) over there to punch him in the face. Little bastard.

I don't know what my weight is gonna do tomorrow. I had that cereal this morning which I kept down. Then at like 3:30 I had a strawberry nutrigrain bar and then for dinner at like 7:30 we had cheeseburgers and baked beans which I had two cheeseburgers and a 2 big scoops of baked beans but I purged later on and was hungry like an hour later. I just had a fruit twist thing and I'm kinda hungry. But I have to remember I had like three drinks, two with mountain dew and vodka and one with orange drink and vokda. I hate drinks because the cals add up so fast. But my family doesn't condone shots really because... well I don't know why really. It's too alcoholic or something.

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