I sleep in each day as long as I can possibly manage to waste the day. The longer I am in bed the less time I have to spend during the day fighting the urge to b/p. It doesn't always work and usually within an hour of being up I am eating. I don't always purge, though I should. I have gained so much weight and holidays are now over so that means I have to stop eating like I have been. I was down .2 of a pound today, which is absolutely nothing to brag about, but at least it's something, it's a start.

Been thinking about rock lately. I called my bf like 5 times yesterday because I told him I was going to try to come to town and he should be home so I could see him for once in my life. He was not home the whole day, and finally at quarter to ten his mom tells me he's out with the boys and she doesn't know when he'll be home. I hang up, all disappointed. Then I start counting how many days it's been since x-mas and I realize he's out having his post-holiday fun- which means an all out crack-binge. I get all pissed off at this point, dangerously close to screaming obscenities but instead I just mutter them under my breath. It makes me mad that he would totally ditch me to go do drugs (but I can't complain there because I've done the same to him when I was in a position to do so) and he didn't even think to see if I could go. I know I told him I didn't want to, but I think I do now. In my heart of hearts I know its good he didn't ask me because I would have tried to find a way to go, which would have meant more groundings and all my progress down the hole. So I guess I need to just suck it up and take it as a good thing. I really don't know how much longer we are going to last though. I never see him, and it's really kinda important for me to be with someone who's not going to tempt me in the drugs department.

That's pretty much all I've got to say. I have to try to get a hold of my mom who has been calling (whom I've been ignoring) most likely to bitch at me to call Wendy's and see if they need anyone to work. I feel like just laying around today. Maybe take a long relaxing shower but then just jump back into my pj's. I might try and get out later tonight because my mom has bowling, but I'm definitely not trying to work today. No way.

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