I got my hair cut. It was almost down to my waist at the longest part and it was so limp and lifeless, totally weighted down. I cut off a ton; it now goes to my collarbones at the longest, the shortest layer being my bangs which start at my chin. I like the results; my hair is so much more bouncy and full of life, and it curls so much more naturally than when it was just long, heavy hair. I feel pretty and I am confident today revealing the new me.

Still clean. It's almost two weeks now. My bf was asking about our x-mas celebration. I don't know if I want to do it anymore. He can get some shit really cheap but I don't get paid till like a week after he wants to do it and I'm not even sure that would work. I dunno, I told him I was having doubts about it and he said I didn't have to, but I know myself and it's gonna kill me knowing they're smoking and they got it so cheap and I could be joining in. I have to remind myself that it's not gonna be as great as I have it built up to be, especially with the huge amount they're getting. They'll end up all geeked cuz they did too much and then they won't even have any fun. I wouldn't want it to be like that.

I have gained more weight. I didn't want to get above 120 and I was maintaining that or a little under it with relative ease. I was able to eat all the food I wanted and still be fine. But lately I've felt really bingey and I've overdone it. I think it could be because my period is supposed to be this week (but I don't really get it because of my bc) so that might be where the cravings are coming from. More bingeing means more b/ping, which has definitely been happening. I purged at school today which I hadn't dared do in a long time. Now I'm horribly thirsty and most likely dehydrated.

It doesn't really feel like christmas. I get to work on x-mas eve so that's gonna suck big time. Hopefully it will be pretty dead and they'll let me go home early. I don't really like x-mas that much anyway. It's too commercialized and I hate spending all that money on gifts because I don't have much. This year I had to pay for so much car crap (registration renewal, insurance, gas, etc.) not to mention save for college so I told everyone I'm not getting anyone a gift, so if they got me one they shouldn't expect anything in return. No one really gave me anything so it was all good and I didn't have to feel guilty.

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