Life is okay lately. I'm still off rock (it's like 10 days now). I don't even think I'm going to do it again, even though I had planned on it. It's so nice to actually have money again. Money to spend on other things besides drugs.

I did roll on Friday though. I hadn't done it in more than like half a year and I really wanted to. I popped my pill as soon as I got it, thinking that Kevin was coming home with me so we could cuddle. Turned out he was too tired so I went home and rolled alone. It took forever to kick in (like an hour when it usually takes effect in 15-30 min.), and I took two shots before I started to feel it. I continued to drink, which was real dumb. I was so dehydrated the next day because of that. But it was an okay roll, I layed in bed listening to kick ass techno, wishing I could get up and dance (it was a dancey pill for sure) but not being able to becasue I was supposed to be sleeping. I tried to go to bed after the effects wore off, but I was still wired like with my foot tapping and grinding my teeth a bit. It was probably cut with speed or something. I was disappointed that it wasn't an awesome roll after waiting so long. I lost the magic I think. Oh well, now I just won't do it anymore. Why do it if it's not worth it?

So this whole cheating thing is getting kind of out-of-hand. I like Greg a lot, but I can never see him because of my car situation. I am allowed out of the house with Kevin though, because he's a good guy and my parents like him. I like him enough too, but he's pretty immature and some of the things he says to me make me cringe it sounds so dumb. He keeps wanting me to pick somebody and the truth is I'd take Greg but I like having somebody on the side. I can go to either one of them when I need affection. Blah. One day I will choose (it'll probably be soon, I'm getting kinda sick of Kevin). I still don't get why Kevin sticks with me. He asks all these questions like, "Do you like me better than your bf?" and I'm like, "Why do you ask this shit? The answer will only hurt you" but still he thinks I will choose him. He's always trying to control what I do (drug-wise) because I told him I want to be good, but I don't mean cut off everything. I talked to my mom even and she says weed and alcohol are fine, it's just everything else I need to get off of. I agree with that, with some other things in there as well. Just not shit that I'm hooked on, like rock.

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