This will be my fourth day without any drugs, mostly because I've been grounded and I have no phone or money with which to obtain them. I feel like I'm about to go crazy, though.

Last night and the night before I dreamt of rock. In one dream I met a guy in a coffee shop who recognized me as one of his distant cousins. He gave me a big hug and then insistently pushed a 500 dollar bill into my hand (do those even exist?) I had a child with me in a stroller, and I quickly dropped them off to wherever (it wasn't important in the dream, just that I get rid of them) and then I went to my dealer's house where I got a huge chunk of rock. Fucking huge. I was salivating over it in my dream. I woke up halfway through taking a hit, and found I was holding my breath when I awoke. This really freaks me out because it's undeniable how strong the pull is. I mean, if I'm dreaming about it, something's gotta be wrong, right. All I can think about is how I can go and do something on Monday, and all I want is a big bag of rock. But I don't have money until Friday, and even then I need to save most of my money in order to pay my mom back for car insurance. I know it's going to be beyond tempting though, and I think I will probably buy some regardless, even if it leaves me broke for the next 2 weeks (but what's new there?)

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