Things are about the same, although not as desperate as they were. Still smoking lots on the weekends and sparingly throughout the week (like once or twice at a 20 bag each time). But I've been noticing that when I'm hanging out with my bf and his friends, I need to do something- get drunk, stoned, high... something. I can't have fun just being sober anymore. This is scary because he was my safe haven- someone I could be around sober. Now even he doesn't make me want to stay sober. I'm even starting to think that maybe I should break up with him. I'm finding odd little quirks of his that really bug me and the more I look at him the more I realize how he's not all that attractive. Then I start to feel horrible because I know he loves me so much and I just can't give that back to him like he needs. I think secretly I stay with him because we all get fucked up on the weekend and this way I don't have to pay. He treats me nice, I just don't appreciate it enough I guess.

That being said, there was a really hot guy from Africa that I met and gave my number out to. We've talked a bit and he wants to get together to "do stuff". I was all about it at first and then the reality sank in that it would be cheating and I never wanted to be one of those girls. So when we were supposed to be hanging out he would text me and I was with my boyfriend, trying to come up with an excuse for why I couldn't hang out. It made me look really flaky and uninterested, which is not necessarily true. I just have too much of a conscience I guess. I also got senior pictures back and they turned out pretty nicely. If you want to see them leave me a note and I can give you the addy or e-mail them to you, whichever you want to do.

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