Last night I came home after hanging out with my boyfriend and proceeded to stuff my face with anything and everything I could find. I had the hugest b/p I have had in a long, long time. And for what? I still don't know exactly why I did it, why the pull was so intense. It could have been the fact that it was the fourth of July and I was home doing absolutely nothing, or it could have been that I was nervous about my impending doctor's appointment. I really don't have a definitive answer as to what made me do it. All I know is that I needed it at that moment and it was a good release. It felt so good to stuff myself to capacity, to get on the scale and see that I was only up three pounds from my morning weight, then to purge it all away and be empty, pure again.

So today I had a doctor's appointment by the recommendation of my therapist, psychiatrist, and my mother. It was to check my electrolytes and make sure that everything is okay as far as my ed goes. (Or as okay as ones body can be whilst suffering with an ed) I talked with my doctor for a bit about what my life is like nowadays, how I'm dealing, what my ed is like. I guess when I was in the hospital, my official diagnosis was bulimia (I didn't know this). After talking with him about my behaviors, he changed my diagnoses to anorexia. That really blew my mind because I do not feel anorectic in the slightest. I'm definitely not thin enough, I'm not scared of food, I'm just not good enough to be anorectic. What a fucked up statement that was! But anyway, now I'm all confused and I'm dealing with it by having a b/p before going out with my friends. Today should be a really fun day.

My friend *Amber and I are going to pick up an 8 ball today and cook it up. I've been smoking more crack recently, a sad fact that my bank account frowns upon. My boyfriend doesn't like it either, and we broke up for a day because I left from his house early to go hang out with her and smoke. He texted me later and said that we shouldn't date anymore because he doesn't want to date a crackhead. I later found out that wasn't the real reason he wanted to break up, it was really about commitment issues and his inability to let himself get close to someone. But we talked and now we are back together. I've got a lot of people worried about me, they all think I'm going to get addicted. I could see it happening, but at this point in time I think I'm okay. *Name has been changed I finally got my prom pictures back and they turned out nice. You can go see them here. As always, make sure to sign the guestbook or leave a note if you wish to make a comment.

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