I don't even know where to go with this. I don't know what to write. My mind is a blank slate, though I have so many words that could pour out from my fingertips. I'm afraid that you will all judge me, so many critical eyes looking down upon me.

I burned my lip on a crack pipe. I swear I'm not a crackhead [keep telling yourself it's not true] I was really ashamed to smoke it, because it was one of those drugs I promised myself I would never do because of the stigma behind it. But when it was offered to me I took the opportunity because it was new and exciting. And I liked it, very much. The lightheadedness and the unreality that followed was unlike anything I'd ever experienced, except maybe the feeling of right before passing out. I enjoyed it a lot, and craved it right away after the rock was finished, and ***** was obviously feeling the same way; because he was smoking more than he was selling and he's usually good about making his money back. I'm really afraid he's going to get addicted. Tanya is terrified that I'm going to get addicted, because I've smoked it twice already at good amounts each time, with a day in between and I've taken money out of the bank to get it (now I'm flat broke). This is what drugs do to a person. I feel like a crackwhore and I don't like it but I like the feeling of being high too much to not do it. What a dilema.

On another note, prom is on Friday. I'm going with a guy from work named David. He's younger than me, 16. We flirted for a while and then made out and whatnot until I asked him to go to prom with me. I liked him just fine until Tanya met him and decided she hated him and pointed out all his bad qualities to me; now all I can think about when I see him is how immature he is and how mean he is to other people. So now he's expecting a relationship out of this whole thing and I don't like him like that anymore, which is not good because now I've already done stuff with him. There is this other new guy that I work with who is 20 that's really cute that's been flirty with my lately named Jason. I guess my friend Nick talked to him today and he said that he thought I was hot and he would go out with me if he wouldn't get in trouble. So I would definitely try to find a way to let David down gently and go for Jason, even if I would look like the McDonald's slut. But there is one slight problem: Jason is engaged. Aparently the relationship is on the rocks, and that's the only reason he is looking at me at all. I dunno. This is all kinda crazy and I'm sure it sounds like a big soap opera to all of you.

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