The weather yesterday was really crazy. We had tornado warnings and severe thunderstorm warnings going on for a good portion of the day. This was really tripping me and Tanya out because I was rolling when the sirens started to go off and she was just starting to dex. We were definitely not in the right frame of mind to deal with any of that. Then we wanted to go chill at Teddy's house, which is in the next town over from us, and also where the storm was really bad (although we wrongly thought that it had passed over that area) so we waited until the tornado warnings had passed and it was just a severe thunderstorm warning and then we left. I drove in really hard, pounding rain, and then it started hailing. We had to pull off the road twice because we couldn't see to even drive. There were like 4 cars in front of us that pulled off as well. I've never seen that many people have to pull off because a storm was that bad. It was really crazy in retrospect and I can't believe we were that stupid to even go. But I wasn't rolling when I was driving, I had come down at that point. I wouldn't try to drive in a thunderstorm when I was rolling; that would be suicide.

My roll wasn't all that great. I snorted half and took half, mostly because I have a snorting fixation and I haven't had coke for a while so I haven't been able to snort anything in a bit. I probably should've just swallowed the whole pill, though, because snorting half just fucked up the timing of when it kicked in. I got the effects of the snorted part pretty much right away as far as the tingliness in the skin and whatnot goes, and I felt dancey (it was an uppity pill, I do believe). But that wore off pretty quick and then I was left waiting for the part I swallowed to kick in. The in-between part sucked. It probably would've been better if I would've been actually doing something, but we were sitting at a house chilling and it was boring. That's usually okay for me, but then again I've been getting smackey pills lately so all I want to do is lay around and cuddle. But this one I wanted to get up and dance when I was feeling it. Oh well. I do know one thing: I want another one for Saturday. Tanya and I are going to spend the night at Ashley's (Teddy's, they live together) house, and we might go dancing. I just know that I'm craving another one really bad. I guess that's a bad thing but I don't care.

I lost 3 pounds overnight. Yesterday all I ate was a hot pocket for breakfast, a granola bar at like 2, and then a fruit and grain bar at like 11 because my stomach wouldn't shut up when I was trying to sleep. I think I was consciously restricting yesterday. I didn't want to eat that fruit bar at 11; I was really pissed that I had to eat at all, but I knew that if I didn't eat I wasn't going to be able to sleep because my stomach was going to keep growling and keep me up. I hate that I can't control my body.

My Topamax was upped to 150 mg to see if it would help with my moods since my therapist and my mom and my p-doc all think that I'm depressed. I personally think it was the coke that was making me "depressed" as far as bitchy symptoms go, but I couldn't exactly tell them that. So the Topamax didn't really help with my moods (that I could tell, anyway) although it did help with my food. Don't want to eat again. So they are keeping the dosage where it's at (yay!) and now they're adding in generic Prozac to see if that helps. I get to be a part of the Prozac Nation. Woohoooo. I'm excited.... oh yes.. excitement.

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