Remember how I said I was quitting ecstasy? I think I pretty much replaced it with coke, which is even worse because coke turned into an every day thing whereas x was just a weekend thing. I spent like 100 bucks on coke in past week and a half or so and it doesn't last me all that long at all.

So... it's Spring Break and it's party time.. right? I got my bag of coke and my weed and it was all good. I really wanted to get some acid but it just didn't work out. Then there was an offer for some x and Tanya and I were going to get some. I ended up getting a pill for myself, but Tanya declined because it was a money issue. Really, I should've declined as well, because I had to take money out of the bank as it was to get it. But I really wanted it so it was worth it to me. So everything was all good and I was happy, whatever. Tanya and I were over at Teddy's house and we went in the bathroom for a "bathroom break" (ie: to do a line) and I ended up leaving my shit in the bathroom. I have everything in a little pillbox (my coke is in a little thing of foil and then I had the pill in there as well) and I just forgot to put the pillbox in my purse. I was so pissed when I got home and realized this. I lost like 30 bucks worth of coke and a 25 dollar pill that I had just bought that night. I was real pissed. I called and made sure that it wasn't able to be located, and Tanya went over there today when I was at work, but no one was able to find it. I'm still really mad about the whole thing. Hopefully I'll be able to get another pill tonight, although that will mean that I only have 5 dollars for the rest of the week (which means I'll inevitably take more out of the bank because I'll need gas or something).

This is really bad. I can see my life practically going down the toilet because of drugs and it's really kinda scary. I decided last night I'm not going to buy coke anymore. If someone's doing it and it's offered to me, then I'll take it, but I won't buy anymore like I have been. I'm too close to being addicted, if I'm not already. As far as the x... I dunno. I want to get one more pill because I'm really pissed off and I need to unwind, plus it's Spring Break and I feel I deserve it after being x-free for 2 weeks.

Things are really weird with Jeff right now, too. We have only seen each other like twice since we started going out, and one of the times was when he came over to get me to go back out with him. That's really pathetic. I feel like it's my fault, because I don't really make that much time for him, and I really should. But right now I feel like getting fucked up is more important than spending time with my boyfriend (who doesn't even feel like a boyfriend to be honest). I don't know. That situation is so weird. I will try to see him at some point during the break and then see how I feel about continuing things. It might just be that we're both too busy right now (he finally got a job, but it's working really crappy night hours and it sucks ass).

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