So at my last therapy session my therapist got me to confess about my drug usage. I didn't spill everything, I just talked about the E a little bit. That was enough to freak her out and say that we're pretty much back at square one, blah blah blah. She said she wouldn't tell my mom unless I let it continue to be a bad habit, and it gets out of control. But, I have an appointment with my psych tomorrow and all of a sudden my mom is coming with me. Since I've gotten my license she's stopped coming with, and she hates him more than anything so she wouldn't even want to go if she didn't have to. I'm pretty sure when my therapist called to tell her she thought I was depressed, she mentioned to my mom that she should come with me to my psych appt. My therapist and psych share notes and shit so this could be real bad. Or maybe I'll get in there and it'll be some sort of intervention, with my psych and my therapist there at the same time. Wouldn't that be some shit? I'm not only worried about the drug aspect, I'm also worried about my weight. I was told that if I got down around 115 that they would start to worry and think about changing my meds (which I don't want to happen because it helps with the b/p urges so much) and since this weekend I've been at 114.6 and 115.4 today. As much as it pains me to think about it, I might have to eat extra today and tomorrow to get my wieght up a little bit for my appt. I really don't want to water load and I can't hold my pee if my life depended on it anyway, so that is pretty much a last resort. Although it would be the most desirable as far as my weight is concerned (after the appt. and dealing with it, that is....)

This weekend I rolled for the last time with Tanya. It was really nice and while I was rolling I must've told her a bunch of times how I didn't want to stop. But she kept telling me how she wouldn't let me keep doing it and it was going to ruin my life if I kept on with it. And she is right... it just feels so good that I don't want to think about the reprocussions. And I have been feeling a little e-tarted this weekend, which is more incentive for me to at least stay off it for a little while. (E-tarted is an expression Teddy's friend Danny made up about people who de E frequently. It describes the fuzzy, not all there feeling that you get the next day or so after doing it. He rolled for like 4 days straight and ate 10 pills total and was totally e-tarted. I had an e-tarted moment when I was trying to go to bed the night I was rolling when I took a drink out of a paper cup, went to dump the water in the sink, but dumped it in the trashcan and threw away the paper cup as well. That was pretty dumb and there's really no excuse for your actions except that it was really dumb... hence e-tarted).

Then Sunday I tried to eat those shrooms. I mixed them in with some leftover chicken helper because they looked so disgusting (and smelled horrible) that I knew there was no way I'd be able to choke them down on their own. I was able to take like three bites (gagging the whole time) and I finally threw it out. It was a waste of 20 bucks, but I really could not force any more down my throat. Thing is, even those few bites I had gave me a pretty good body buzz for about an hour or so. Then I wanted to dig my concoction out of the trash and force it down my throat, no matter how gross it was. If only I could find chocolate covered shrooms. Wouldn't that be nice?

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