This weekend was... insane. I did way too much shit that I shouldn't have done. But the week was really stressful so I felt that I deserved a little break and relaxation.

Friday night Tanya and I rolled together for the first time. It was pretty fun because it was an awesome, very clean pill. We went over to Teddy's of course, but he didn't pay much attention to us, which was disappointing because we had had it all planned out that we were going to have fun with him. We weren't sure what kind of fun, but we were just going to kind of let things go how they may. He wasn't there for most of the night, and then when he was he was pissed off and in the other room because his older room mate Pops, who is 25, was hitting on and rubbing on Tanya (and me for a little bit, but then I moved because it made me uncomfortable). He called him a baby raper and all this other stuff, but I'm not sure if it was jealousy or if he was genuinely mad about the age difference thing.

Saturday I bought a double stacked smiley face roll and Teddy and a bunch of his friends and I went to Milwaukee. Actually, first we went to Madison, then to Milwaukee. I felt really privelaged that I was invited to go, because he doesn't usually invite me on business trips, and because I was the only girl in a carful of guys. We left at 5 so I thought for sure we would be back by my curfew at 11, but I got home at 1 in the morning. I got in so much trouble, my mom was so pissed. I hadn't told her I was going to Milwaukee because I knew she wouldn't let me go, especially because she doesn't know who Teddy is. So now I'm grounded until Friday, which sucks real bad.

I had therapy today, and the shit pretty much hit the fan. I told her I was tired because I had a long weekend and she guessed right away that I had been up to no good. From there it didn't take a whole lot to pull it out from me what I had been doing. I told her how blah I've been feeling lately, how much school is stressing me out, and how scared I am about college coming up soon and ACTs and SATs... She thinks I'm getting depressed again, but personally I'm thinking it's from the drugs. I know that ecstasy lowers your serotonin which can make you depressed, especially if you use it as frequently as I have been. So my therapist is going to call my mom and tell her that I have officially relapsed, and that she sent me home with food worksheets to write down what I'm eating everyday and the feelings that go with it. If I don't get a handle on my ed and the drugs, I'll have to tell my mom about the drugs and start seeing someone for that, and I might have to go into the hospital again in the next couple of months if I can't get things under control. I think that's a little extreme because I'm not sick enough, but if it were for substance abuse I guess I would qualify. Urg. I hate having to validate my problems like this.

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